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                         歡迎訪問德育新時空!
                        真心為孩子好,你就少做這件事!
                        2019年06月25日 11:54來源:網絡轉載 閱讀量: 161

                        作為父母,對子女有所期望,這一點全世界都一樣。

                        美國有一個關于父母對子女職業期望的調查,結果依次為企業家、醫生、教師、體育教練、律師、專業工程師等。從這個順序可以看出,父母總是希望子女的將來富足、穩定、自由一些。

                        都說職業沒有貴賤之分,可是把自己的孩子叫過來問他:兒子,你將來想做什么?若是回答:我長大想去開垃圾車。你是家長會作何感想?大概誰也不會說:兒子,你的理想真棒。所以從這個層面來理解,父母對子女有一份期待,這也是人之常情。

                        父母都說要給子女最好的,但什么是最好的?有人說現在學土木工程工作機會最多,可是當子女畢業成為了建筑師,也可能所有的房子都蓋完了;有人說當科學家最好,于是讓子女拼命把理工科學得很好,長大以后卻發現學文史的很吃香……這些都是有可能的事情。

                        世界是會變動的,一方面很可愛,一方面很可怕。可愛的是因為變動人才會進步,可怕的是人經常因為變動押錯寶。父母要明白,每一代人的生活環境都不一樣,便會有每一代人不同的人生目標。正是每一代人的生活方式不一樣,人類才會不斷進步。

                        但是很遺憾,有很多父母把自己做不到的事情都寄望給了子女,甚至以此作為要求子女的目標,這真的是大錯特錯。“爸爸最大的遺憾就是沒有上北大,你一定要考上北大”,“媽媽這輩子不能成為畫家很可惜,你要給我好好學畫”……類似這樣的話我們聽得實在太多。

                        子女是父母所生不假,但子女不是父母生命的延續,不是父母圓夢的材料。子女想要追求的是他們自己的目標,而不是來完成父母的目標。父母的夢想無法實現,就寄托在子女身上,便是把子女當成了圓夢的材料。

                        當然,父母對子女不可能沒有期望,我們關心子女,當然就會有期望。但是期望要合理,合理的子女會接受,不合理的子女會反抗,甚至會背道而行。除非子女自己有興趣,除非子女有這方面的天賦,否則越勉強他越苦惱。父母按照自己的意愿過分勉強子女,這種無形的重壓會把他們逼得距離父母越來越遠,你們的親子關系也會越來越糟。

                        想想看,為什么子女小時候很喜歡跟父母在一起,可是越大越躲著父母?因為父母容不得子女變成一個獨立的個體。但是這種趨勢是誰都無法改變的,子女慢慢會有自己的興趣、自己的愿望、自己的夢想,他的夢不一定是父母的夢。

                        所以,如果父母是真心為了孩子好,就少點強迫和勉強,尊重子女的自主性,讓他們自己決定自己的方向,這樣子女也會懂得尊重父母。

                        另外,有些父母不知不覺中錯誤地接受了很多所謂現代化的觀念,比如聽到不要讓子女輸在起跑線上,就逼著孩子去學習一些根本不必急于掌握或者未必適合孩子興趣的東西,實在非常不明智。

                        不輸在起跑線上,真正的意思是一開始就要正確,以正確的方法,學習必要的東西。一窩蜂地讓孩子學習小提琴、鋼琴以及外語等并不需要這么早開始的東西;遇到賓客來訪,讓孩子當眾表演一番,表明自己對子女花了很多心血和資本;看到別人的孩子學什么,自己趕緊要求自己的孩子也去學。到底是為了炫耀自己,還是真心為了孩子好?

                        每個孩子的氣質秉性不一樣,身體智力不一樣,興趣愛好不一樣,發展速度也不一樣。既然子女各有不同,父母只需要以正常的態度、良好的方式、有效的方法給予適當的啟發即可。至于子女將來如何發展,可能有哪些成就,那是子女自己的福分。父母最好順其自然,而不要人為強加。

                        我們希望,父母時時記住,身為父母,一方面有人本能的愛,另一方面有人理智的情,把子女看做是既需要慈愛,又需要教育的人。站在對子女的未來負責,對子女未來所要生活的社會負責的立場,把家庭教育做好,培養子女具備正常而健全的人格,很多問題就會迎刃而解,子女也會有順遂而美好的人生。

                        [出處:曾仕強]

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