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                        太原
                         歡迎訪問德育新時空!
                        沒有原則的父母,養不出有規矩的孩子
                        2019年06月25日 11:48來源:網絡轉載 閱讀量: 305

                        一位父親,帶著兩個女兒逛超市,淘氣的小女兒故意打掉姐姐手里的東西。

                        爸爸堅定地讓小女兒給姐姐道歉,小女兒執意不肯,爸爸態度堅決,一定要道歉。

                        無計可施的小女兒開始耍賴,索性躺在地上,為自己開脫,“我不是故意的”。爸爸堅持,說:“不管你是否故意都要道歉。”

                        一旁的姐姐想打破僵局,就說:“算了吧,不用道歉。”小女兒趕緊給自己找臺階下:“她都說不用道歉了。”但爸爸堅持己見:“不管姐姐要不要這個道歉,你必須道歉。”

                        父女的行為,引起圍觀,有人看不下去,鼓勵爸爸抽她個大耳光,這樣她肯定乖乖聽話。

                        當然,爸爸沒有采用,只是再次表明自己的態度,“必須要說對不起”。

                        最后,在爸爸的堅持下,小女兒終于說出了“對不起”。

                        在爸爸看來,犯了錯誤,就要向人道歉,這是原則問題,容不得半點商量,不管孩子撒潑耍賴,還是有人說情,或是有人挑唆,堅持自己的原則,一定要讓女兒執行到底。

                        02

                        最近,鄰居豆豆媽跟我說起她的煩心事:帶孩子逛超市,孩子要買玩具,不答應孩子,孩子又哭又鬧賴著不走,那么多人盯著,場面極其尷尬,無奈的她,只好向孩子妥協。

                        “家里玩具一大堆,我一向不主張讓孩子養成‘要什么買什么’的壞習慣,可當他哭鬧耍賴的時候,又不知道該怎么辦?”

                        豆豆媽的煩心事,可能大多數家長都遇到過,也是很多家庭的通病,為孩子設置各種規則,但孩子一哭一鬧,父母就亂了分寸,失了原則。

                        曾在朋友圈,看過一位心理學教授分享的育兒之道,看完受益匪淺。

                        有一天,這位教授的女兒也提出了一個無理的購物需求,她拒絕后,女兒便大哭大鬧。冷靜的她,任憑女兒怎么哭鬧,也沒有動搖自己的原則,堅持把女兒帶回了家。

                        回到家后,陪著女兒待在房間里,對她的哭鬧依舊不予理睬。最多遞給女兒一條熱毛巾,讓她擦擦鼻涕一把眼淚一把的臉。就這樣靜靜地坐在她跟前,看著她哭,一直等到她哭得筋疲力盡。

                        孩子哭了好長一段時間后,見媽媽的態度絲毫不放松,便也作罷。從那以后,孩子再也沒有提出過任何無理的要求。

                        我個人很欣賞這位教授的做法,既堅持了自己的原則,讓孩子明白自己的無理要求,不會因為哭鬧有任何的改變。同時,又讓孩子感受到“我不同意你這樣做,但我仍然愛著你,會關心你,不會棄你而去”的安全感。

                        對于這位教授的做法,也有媽媽有不同聲音,當然,教育孩子本來就沒有放之天下而皆準的法則,需要具體問題具體分析,因為每個孩子的性格都是不一樣的。但是,培養孩子遵守原則,是每個家長都應該思考的問題。

                        03

                        朋友圈的一則新聞曾引起廣泛熱議。

                        一個四年級,身高1米4,可以稱為大孩子的“熊孩子”,從背后猛推已經懷孕4個多月的孕婦,險些造成孕婦流產。

                        更讓人氣憤的是,當問及原因,孩子卻毫不在乎地說:“我看電視上孕婦摔了會流產,我就想看看推倒她會不會也流產?”

                        簡直難以相信,一個僅4年級的孩子,竟做出如此瘋狂的行為,說出如此冷漠的話。但再聽聽孩子奶奶的反應,“他還是一個孩子,你和孩子計較什么呢?”你就立馬頓悟,“熊孩子”是如何養成的了。

                        一句“他還是個孩子”,毀掉多少孩子,父母從小告訴孩子是非對錯,有哪些事情能做哪些不能做,這些至關重要。

                        愛孩子,是我們的本能,父母堅持自己的原則,給孩子立規矩,設規則,讓他成長為一個品德高尚的大人,是我們的責任。

                        一位有兩個兒子的女明星在一檔電視節目里,曾講述自己的育兒心經。

                        對玩具愛不釋手的兩個兒子,她的原則就是:每次只能挑選自己最喜歡的一個。

                        聽話的兩個孩子,每次都會挑選最喜愛的一個玩具,因為來之不易,對玩具也是倍加珍惜。

                        無條件愛著孩子的父母,一定要堅持自己的原則,讓孩子遵守基本的規則,你的孩子將來才能有規矩。

                        最后和大家分享,美國學校給父母的備忘錄:

                        別溺愛我。我很清楚地知道,我不應該得到每一樣我所要求的東西,我的無理要求只是在試探你。別害怕對我保持公正的態度,這樣反倒讓我有安全感。別讓我養成壞習慣。在年幼的時候,我得依靠你來判斷對錯。

                        [出處:中國教育報]

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