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                        太原
                         歡迎訪問德育新時空!
                        父母的反對 一定是壞事嗎
                        2019年06月28日 16:15來源:網絡轉載 閱讀量: 134

                        在生涯發展的道路上,當遭遇父母的反對該怎么辦呢?有人和父母據理力爭,說服了父母,有人拗不過父母,聽從了家里的安排。

                        小愛的父母學歷不高,都是生意人,家境不錯。她還有個成績優秀的哥哥,從北京某著名高校畢業,現在電視臺做攝像。哥哥是父母的驕傲,小愛一直告訴自己要表現更好才是,不能讓哥哥給比下去。

                        小愛很想出國留學,但遭遇了父母的反對,經過一番探索和嘗試,她同意了父母的意見,并且對處理結果還挺滿意的。

                        這個過程要追溯到小愛上大學期間。她節假日不斷去各地旅行,領略祖國風光。暑假期間參加各種志愿項目,當國際志愿者,到貴州參加支教,讓自己的經歷更加豐富。

                        在課業上,小愛也沒有放松,學習努力,成績在班級名列前茅。逐漸地,她形成了一種習慣,忍受不了自己閑下來,覺得那樣是浪費時間,辜負了青春年華,似乎總是奔走在證明自己的路上。

                        大學里,很多人在準備出國,她也產生了這個想法,當和父母談及此事的時候,父母問了一個生意人常問的問題:“你花了這么多金錢和時間,會有什么回報?還不如早點結婚生孩子來得實在,女孩子等不起,還是不要讀那么多書比較好。”

                        按照慣常的思維來看,父母這樣的說法太功利了,90后女生聽了肯定要跳起來。小愛當然無法認同父母的觀念,但她沒有急躁,知道激烈沖突于事無補,于是更趁機理清自己的思路。

                        她想到,目前似乎確實拿不出有力的證據,說明出國能夠帶來什么回報。她目前主要的想法就是“出去看看”,具體學什么專業,未來從事什么行業,沒有想太多。所以,當她跟父母談起“出國回來想做什么”的時候,就是說不清楚。

                        因為對這些職業的發展路徑模糊,所以在父母看來,說服力自然不夠。站在父母的角度而言,好像就是花錢投資了一個虛無飄渺的項目,顯得不靠譜。于是,她暫時放下了出國的想法,開始把精力放在了尋找發展方向上。

                        在大三暑假,她來到一個特殊教育的輔導機構,幫助自閉癥兒童和唐氏綜合征的孩子,照顧他們的起居和活動。這段經歷讓她突然發現,對比其他一起工作的義工,面對殘障兒童,她心里完全沒有不耐煩、恐懼等負面情緒,而是非常喜歡他們、接納他們。她希望未來的工作能夠跟小朋友打交道。

                        升入大四新學期,小愛專門選修了學前教育系的課程,尤其是特殊教育。她還準備找機會到其他類型的幼兒園去實習,再次確認自己真的喜歡跟小朋友一起工作。她不斷做更多準備,希望在畢業時到一個更好的幼兒園平臺去鍛煉自己。

                        我問她:“暫時放下出國的事情,感到遺憾嗎?”

                        她說:“有一點失落。但是我想,這也是個好事情,讓我有機會想清楚自己到底要什么,什么是最重要的。雖然暫時不出國了,我其實還是奮斗在自己的路上。等我找到自己的工作方向、時機成熟時,我還是一定會出國深造的,那個時候我會更加篤定,有信心。我也跟父母親說了自己的想法,他們也覺得這樣比較合理。”

                        后來,我們還一起討論了她做幼教工作之后,可以通過怎樣的方式出國,比如申請國際上的特殊教育公益組織的資助,通過游學訪問的方式到國外的幼兒園參觀學習,在討論中,她對于自己未來的生涯道路表現出充分的熱情。

                        其實,當她還在猶豫是否要出國的時候,也走訪了身邊的很多同學,包括出國的、考研的、就業的。她只問一個問題:“你為什么要出國(考研、就業)?”

                        她發現,有很多出國的同學,都和她一樣有跟風的現象,一些人認為出國比在國內讀書“更高級”,既然有這個條件,為什么不更高級一點呢?

                        很多人因為沒有想清楚自己要做什么,為了便于申請,就學了別的專業,去牌子更好看、但自己就讀的專業實力并不強的學校……

                        同樣,讀研的同學也不乏這樣的人,看到別人考研就考研,或者,只是覺得研究生學歷比本科學歷更讓人感到踏實吧!

                        她決心不做一個迷糊跟風的人,后來的探索經歷讓她理解,能夠感受生活,明確自己理想的人生才是最重要的。盲目出國或考研,看上去順理成章,但很多問題只是被暫時藏起來了而已。

                        每個人都有不同的去向,但不論考研還是出國,都只是一段過程,而不是終點。

                        在此推薦大家看一本書《你的燈亮著嗎?》這一本很小很薄,卻很經典。它通過很多小案例告訴大家,在解決一個問題之前,需要有系統的思維。先定義一些基本的問題:比如這是誰的問題?這是真的問題嗎?真正的問題在哪里?這個問題需要解決嗎?如果解決,最多有多少種解決方案?

                        當遇到父母反對的時候,其實我們也需要問自己:

                        這是我的問題還是父母親的問題?

                        這個問題是真的問題嗎?

                        真的問題在哪里?

                        如果我找到了真的問題,這個問題除了目前的解決方法,還有哪些方法?

                        如果這些問題沒有被問過,即使你暫時出國、考研成功,很可能在畢業的時候依然遇到同樣的問題。

                        對于一個不知道要去哪里的人而言,總是容易遇到困難。實際上,這些困難不是外界給的,而是自己的思路造成的。

                        當你真的篤定要去某個方向,你會找到資源和支持的,甚至原來的障礙也變成了支持。

                        (作者為北京師范大學珠海分校教育學院副教授)

                        [出處:中國青年報]

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