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                        孩子和誰睡,決定他一生的性格
                        2019年06月19日 18:06來源:網絡轉載 閱讀量: 219

                        孩子和誰睡,決定他一生的性格、

                        最近,閨蜜丹丹跟我吐槽,說孩子現在跟她不親了。

                        原來,自從丹丹上班之后,孩子一直是奶奶幫忙帶,考慮到第二天要上班,孩子晚上也跟奶奶一起睡,加上有時候還會加班、出差,所以丹丹真正陪孩子的時間也相對較少。

                        現在孩子除了愿意跟她玩會,其它時間就一直黏著奶奶,特別是到了晚上,非要跟奶奶一起睡,甚至連床都不給丹丹躺。

                        “這是我跟奶奶的床,你不能睡。”

                        聽到這句話,丹丹是又好笑又好氣。

                        無奈,她只能等孩子睡著了,再把孩子抱回自己屋,可第二天一早孩子醒來,哭著喊著找奶奶。

                        丹丹很是受傷,卻只能自我安慰,孩子還小,不懂事,等長大了自然跟自己就親了。

                        相信有很多人都與丹丹有同樣的想法,但其實,犯罪心理學李玫瑾教授曾指出,在孩子最初的幾年,誰養的就跟誰親,對誰的心理依賴更大。

                        出生的前三年特別是剛出生的第一年,孩子會對照顧者產生情感依賴,而依賴的主體是主要照看他的那個人。

                        很多人認為,等孩子長大了,跟自己自然就親密了,但其實,這種想法大錯特錯!

                        心理學研究表明,孩子到三歲才能形成客體穩定性與情感穩定性。

                        客體穩定的概念,在良好的養育環境下,孩子一歲半即可形成。而情感穩定的概念,在良好的養育環境下,要到三歲才能形成。

                        也就是說,只有在形成這兩個概念后,孩子才能承受與媽媽的長時間分離,否則孩子會將短暫的分離視為永遠的被拋棄。

                        而這里的長時間,指的是兩個星期以上的時間。

                        看到這里,其實就不難理解,為什么我們身邊有太多的朋友,更喜歡呆在學校,或者工作在外。

                        跟父母的關系都不太親密,多半都是因為幼年時期缺少父母的陪伴,跟父母沒有建立好情感依賴關系。

                        記得曾在知乎上看過一位網友離路分享的故事。

                        離路從2歲起就跟爺爺奶奶一起生活,父母一直工作在外,只有過年的時候才有時間回家探望她。

                        等離路7歲要上小學時父母才把她接到了身邊。

                        但是正因為從小跟父母的分離,使得離路養成了遇到什么事情不會找別人幫忙,甚至也不會跟父母說,能自己解決都自己解決的習慣。

                        對于同寢室的同學經常與父母通電話,甚至一通電話能打1個小時之久,她都感覺很奇怪。

                        因為她和父母的電話除了日常的問候,基本無話可說,更多的時候都是母親說著,自己聽著。

                        她說,最大的感覺就是,和父母怎么也親密不起來,仿佛就是最熟悉的陌生人。

                        心理學家說,孩子幼年時期,是父母和孩子建立親子關系的重要時期,錯過了這個關鍵期,很難再讓孩子和父母變得親近。

                        雖然我們無法選擇自己的父母,但是我們可以決定自己成為更好的父母。

                        從2016年到2018年,在眾多熱播的育兒節目中,最熟悉的莫非胡可一家。

                        即使霸屏許久,也依然阻擋不了大家對他們全家的喜愛,特別是胡可的育兒觀念獲得了無數媽媽的稱贊。

                        胡可曾說,小時候由于父母工作忙,她是由爺爺奶奶帶大的,因此她更加深刻地知道父母陪伴孩子是多么的重要。

                        可是作為一名演員,胡可經常外出拍戲,導致的結果便是和兒子長時間的分離。

                        一次,胡可利用休息的間隙趕回家看兒子,到家的時候已經半夜了。第二天早晨醒來,胡可忍不住逗安吉說,看誰回來了?

                        安吉揉了揉眼睛,癟著小嘴說,你都走了那么多年了,我還能記得你啊?胡可愣住了,眼淚瞬間流了下來。

                        突然,她意識到自己小時候對父母的渴望,不正是安吉現在所面臨的嗎?!

                        從此,胡可過上了帶娃進組的生活,因為她深知陪伴是對孩子最好的愛。

                        也正因為胡可長時間的陪伴,給兩個孩子帶來了足夠的安全感與信任感,所以才有了人見人愛的安吉與小魚兒。

                        胡可將自己童年缺失的遺憾,用滿滿的愛傾注在孩子的身上,讓自己和孩子成為了最好的朋友。

                        一位著名作家曾說:

                        父母跟食物一樣,都是有期限的。然而,食物過期可以再買,但孩子的成長只有一次。

                        其實,孩子需要我們陪伴的時間是很有限的,仔細算下來,我們真正能陪伴孩子的也只有2、3年。

                        相信有不少的父母看到這里都會抱怨一句,我不是不愛孩子,不想陪孩子,可是我這么努力拼命地工作,還不都是為了給孩子提供更好的生活?

                        可是,錢總是賺不完的,而孩子總會長大,她需要我們的時候并不多。

                        一旦錯過了這個年齡段,孩子情感依賴的那個人是很難改變的,而孩子也就再也不會如當初那般需要你了。

                        [出處:十點讀書]

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