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                        太原
                         歡迎訪問德育新時空!
                        愛孩子是一種本能,尊重孩子則是一種教養
                        2019年06月15日 20:11來源:網絡轉載 閱讀量: 189

                        做父母的很少有不愛孩子的,但是,怎樣才是真愛孩子,卻大可商榷。現在普遍方式是,物質上無微不至,功課上步步緊逼,精神上麻木不仁。在我看來。這樣做不但不是愛孩子,而且是在害孩子。

                        真愛孩子的人,一定會努力讓孩子有一個幸福的童年,以此為孩子一生的幸福奠定基礎。具體怎么做,我說一說我的經驗供參考。要有三點,其一,舍得花時間和孩子游戲、閑談、共度時光,讓孩子經常享受到活生生的親情。其二,盡力抵制應試教育體制的危害,保護孩子天性和智力的健康成長。其三,注意培育孩子的人生智慧和獨立精神,不是給孩子準備好一個現成的未來,而是使孩子將來既能自己去爭取幸福,又能承受人生必有的苦難。

                        我肯定不是什么教子專家,只不過是一個愛孩子的父親而已。既然愛,就要做到兩點,一是讓孩子現在快樂,二是讓孩子未來幸福。在今天,做到這兩點的關鍵是抵御現行教育體制的弊端,給孩子提供一個得以盡可能健康生長的小環境。

                        和孩子相處,最重要的原則是尊重孩子,從根本上說,這就是要把孩子看做一個靈魂,亦即一個有自己獨立的人格的個體。而且,在孩子很幼小的時候就應該這樣,我們無法劃出一個界限,說一個人的人格是從幾歲開始形成的,實際上這個過程伴隨著心智的覺醒早就開始了,在一兩歲時已初露端倪。

                        愛孩子是一種本能,尊重孩子是一種教養,而如果沒有教養,愛就是去了風格,僅僅停留在動物性的水準上。

                        任何一個孩子都絕不會因為被愛得太多而變壞。相反,得到的愛越多,就一定會變得越好。當然,我說的“愛”似乎需要做界定。比如要有長遠的眼光和正確的方法之類。但是,不管怎么界定,基本的內涵不容懷疑,就是一種傾注全部感情的關心、愛護、鼓勵、欣賞、理解和尊重。只要是這樣,就怎么愛也不過分,怎么愛也不會把孩子寵壞。

                        中國人總是教育孩子做“乖”孩子,稱贊孩子時也多用這個“乖”字。“乖”有兩個含義,其一是乖順,就是溫良、聽話,其二是乖巧,就是伶俐、機敏,把這兩個含義統一起來就比較全面了。不過,這兩個含義也可以從壞的方面理解,比如乖順是循規蹈矩,乖巧是察言觀色,二者的結合就令人討厭了。

                        仔細分析起來,孩子真正可愛的和值得鼓勵的“乖”,其實把包含了三個因素。 一是 通情 ,就是善解人意,關心和體察他人的感受,這是同情心,是善良。 二是 達理 ,就是講道理,懂道理這是理解力是智慧。三是在通情達理的基礎上,能夠克制自己不合理的欲求,這是 自制力 ,是節制。所以“乖”應該是善良、聰慧、節制這三種積極品質的綜合表現。倘若抽取這些品質,只要求孩子盲目的聽話,訓練出來的就不是通情達理的乖孩子,而是逆來順受的呆孩子,甚至是陽奉陰違的壞孩子了。

                        親子之愛是愛的課堂,不但對孩子是如此,對父母也是如此。

                        黑格爾說:“通過對孩子的愛,母親愛她的丈夫,父親愛他的妻子,雙方都在孩子身上使各自的愛得以客觀化。”泰戈爾也說:“我的孩子,讓他們愛你,因此他們能夠相愛。”

                        孩子不只是夫妻的肉體之愛的產物,更是彼此的心靈之愛的載體,通過愛孩子,這種愛才不是飄著空中,而是落在了地上,獲得了穩固的基礎。請注意,這兩位賢哲都認為,對孩子的愛是實現男女之間超越于肉體的愛的前提和必由之路。我對此也深信不疑,一個重要的理由是,正是通過愛孩子,我們才領悟到了愛的無私之本質,從而真正學會了愛。

                        如果說,生命早期的精彩紛呈對于做父母的是寶貴財富,那么,對于孩子自己就更是如此了。但是,孩子身在其中,渾然無知,尚不懂得欣賞和收藏它們,而到了懂得的年紀,它們早已散失在時光中了。為孩子保住這一份財富,這只能是父母的責任。孩子長大后,把一份他的孩提時代的完整記錄交到他的手上,他會多么欣喜啊。這是真正的物價之寶,天下父母能夠給孩子的禮物,不可能比這更貴重的了。

                        做家長的最高境界是成為孩子的知心朋友。在這一點上,中國的家長相當可憐,一面是孩子的主子、上司,另一面是孩子的奴仆、下屬,始終找不到和孩子平等相處的位置。

                        做孩子的朋友不易,讓孩子也肯把自己當朋友更難。多少孩子有了心事,首先要瞞的人是父母,有了知心話,最不想說的也是父母。

                        有一些正經的父母,自己十分無趣,看見孩子調皮就加以責罰,聽見孩子的有趣話語也無動于衷,我真為他們的孩子感到冤枉。在干旱的沙漠里中,孩子的智性花朵過早的枯萎了。在沉寂的悶屋中,孩子的靈性笑聲過早的暗啞了,如果一個孩子天賦正常卻不會幽默,責任一定在大人。

                        許多父母盼望孩子快快長大,我相反, 多么愿意孩子的童年時光留得久一些,再久一些。 我留戀這樣的一種天然的可愛,這樣的一種純粹的親情,這樣的一種簡單的幸福。在時間的洶涌波濤上,我留戀一滴晶瑩的水珠。

                        然而,一切皆逝,無物長存,我應該和能夠做到的是,在另一種形式中守護這些珍貴的價值。我不是指寫作,寫作是容易的,難的是生活本身。我愿意孩子在因閱歷和教養而成熟以后依然天真。我愿我們的親情歷盡歲月的磨難始終純粹。我愿人生的幸福不受世俗的腐蝕永遠簡單。

                        [出處:幸福教育]

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