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                        控制不住打孩子?教育孩子能打嗎?!
                        2019年06月07日 14:11來源:網絡轉載 閱讀量: 191

                        “懲罰不能阻止不良行為,它只能使罪犯在犯罪時變得更加小心,更加巧妙地掩飾罪行,更有技巧而不被察覺。

                        ——美國兒童教育家海姆·吉諾特

                        打罵孩子時,雖然孩子表面上誠惶誠恐,內心深處對自己的錯誤行為根本沒有反省,更不會去思考該如何修正自己的錯誤行為,甚至有些極端的孩子會想辦法趕快逃離家庭,逃離父母的管束。

                        雖然體罰孩子有許多負面的影響,但是,在教育孩子的過程當中,也有不得不打的時候,有時候,一時氣不過打了不聽話的孩子,也是許多父母經常會出現的情形。

                        那么,如何調整自己的心態?如何更好的處理“打”孩子這個問題呢?

                        一.盡量控制自己不打孩子

                        不打孩子是一個理想的狀態,但是在和孩子相處的過程中,我們家長很難做到。尤其是在孩子犯錯誤又拒不認錯的時候,家長更加難以控制自己的情緒。

                        但是孩子畢竟是孩子,犯錯是一種常態,犯錯是孩子與世界相處時,在世界和他人時,不可缺少的一個過程。我們不可能阻止孩子犯錯,但是我們教育孩子的目的是讓孩子懂得社會的邊界,與他人相處的邊界,規則與制度。

                        當孩子犯錯誤時,家長不要急于打孩子,因為沖動地打孩子,效果往往適得其反。這時候,你可以向孩子說己此刻的感受,讓孩子知道你對他剛才行為的不滿。

                        比如,告訴孩子:

                        “你剛才的行為,讓我感到很生氣!”“我不喜歡你這樣沒禮貌的行為!”“你的行為很讓我感到傷心!”

                        描述自己的心理感受,有助于平靜自己的情緒,也有助于讓孩子站在父母的角度來想問題,從而促進孩子的反思。

                        說這些話的時候要注意你的語氣,要非常的堅定,通過嚴肅的表情,讓孩子感受到你的不愉快。這樣孩子會通過你的情緒表情,感受到他的行為讓你產生了情緒。

                        在事情過后,對于大一些的孩子,可以采用探討的方式,詢問孩子為什么要做那樣的事情,初衷是什么?孩子行為背后的用意,再和孩子探討怎么做更為合適,教會孩子更好的處理類似的問題。這樣才能更好的引導孩子,比讓孩子一味恐懼,卻不知道要怎么做才好,更加重要。

                        二.用自然后果懲罰孩子

                        孩子犯了錯,無須過多批評,讓孩子自己承受行為的過失或者錯誤造成的后果。對于年幼的孩子,家長還可以告訴孩子修正錯誤的具體方法,指導孩子自己去彌補錯誤。

                        比如,牛奶打翻了,就不能喝牛奶了。同時,孩子還需要自己來清理桌子上的牛奶。起床晚了,昨天商量好要去的地方,就不能如約去了,等等

                        讓孩子承擔自己行為的后果,孩子會自己在成長的路上,吃一塹長一智的。而家長的過度干預,反而會讓孩子缺乏邊界感,過度依賴父母。覺得自己所有的錯誤一句對不起,就可以重來。一切的后果,大不了就的父母的一頓打罵而已。

                        有時候社會的教育,比家庭中的教育,對孩子更具有現實的意義。

                        三.用間接的方式懲罰孩子

                        如果孩子的過錯不大,家長可以對孩子已經發生的錯誤不過分追究,而是通過給孩子使個眼色、對他的行動加以限制、扣留他喜歡的東西、限制他娛樂的時間等間接懲罰的手段與方式,讓孩子記住這次教訓。比如,玩具不收拾好,就取消看動畫片的時間。

                        當然,父母最好還要對孩子以后的行為提出明確的要求,孩子應該怎么做、達到什么要求或標準,表明對孩子下次行為的期望。比如,每次主動把玩具收拾好,可以按時看動畫片,否則就不允許看動畫片,只有收拾好玩具,才能看。

                        原則與規矩要適合孩子的年齡,家長切不可對孩子提出超過孩子年齡范圍的要求。提出的規矩要按照規矩來執行,而不是家長自己說了算,今天這樣,明天那樣。家長自己定的規則,自己無視,最終的結果就是,孩子也不會把規矩當回事。

                        四.打孩子時不要情緒化

                        如果出現了不得不打孩子的情況,比如,在多次勸告無效的情況下,孩子依然不停鬧騰而影響到了自身的安全、周圍人和周圍的環境時,父母首先要穩定自己的情緒,冷靜面對孩子的問題。

                        在多次警告無果的情況下,如果在人前,就將孩子帶到單獨相處的場合,告訴孩子因為什么你很生氣,因為這個事情,你現在要打他。打過孩子之后,告訴孩子,這件事情到此結束。一會兒不可以再做同樣的事情。適度并保護好孩子的尊嚴的同時,再去懲罰孩子。不要讓孩子在朋友面前,陌生人面前丟臉,這是對孩子心靈上的保護。

                        五.告訴孩子被打的原因

                        在迫不得已要打孩子的時候,父母要把打孩子當成一種教育的儀式,一定要明確告訴孩子,他為什么會挨打,這次要打幾下,下次再犯錯誤要如何處理等。

                        打的時候不要太重,也不要以打孩子來發泄自己的不良情緒,更不能不分青紅皂白抬手就打孩子。

                        打完孩子后,一定要安慰孩子,讓孩子明白,打了他,爸爸媽媽也很傷心。最重要的是,父母一定要讓孩子明白,即使他錯了,爸爸媽媽還是愛他的。打他只是為了讓他記住,下次不要犯同樣的錯誤。

                        總結:

                        2歲前的孩子由于心智發展不成熟,缺乏規則意識是正常的。打孩子對于孩子來說,沒有警示作用,反而會影響孩子的心理發展。會讓孩子內在恐懼,沒有安全感,缺乏愛的體驗。

                        隨著孩子年齡的增長,孩子的自我意識逐漸完善,自尊感也越來越強。6歲后的孩子就已經是懂道理的年齡了。這時,父母更需要用情感溝通的方式與孩子進行溝通,避免辱罵孩子,而在孩子心里產生負面影響。

                        [出處:網絡]

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